I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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