I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A bitchslap is in order.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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