I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
