i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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