All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
