Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She even gives head with a lisp.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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