She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
