Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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