Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
