Me. At least after what I've been through.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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