the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
