So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
