FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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