Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
