Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
