My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
