Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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