my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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