Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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