His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
