You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I want to have your abortion
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
