What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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