Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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