yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
