He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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