no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
