I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
