I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
