he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
