You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
