They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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