Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
