Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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