I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
