Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
