I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
