he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize