What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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