so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
