I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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