opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
