I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
