his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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