Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
