addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
