I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
