i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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