btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
