If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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