I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
